And of course.. there is the 'explanation' in the Sex and the City way..
Well I am a Katie Girl too.... last week my ex became a father... for as long as he was 'just' married, everything seemed still 'possible'... but now.. that there is a child... it's all gone...
Even when I saw pictures of her getting 'bigger'... it seemed like a bad dream and someone will poke me and wake me up. Unfortunately, no one ever came to poke me but I did wake up. Tough wake up.
I wish, I could ask the same question... just like Carrie... and yup.. I also know the answer... I was just too complex and she is 'the simple girl'...
Is he happy? I don't know... and seriously.. I don't care...
Would he be happier with me? I don't think so....
Would I be happier if he was with me? NOPE!!!
But try telling that to my heart.
Of those 12 years in Israel.. I wasted 6 years actively and 3 years passively for this guy... and what was I left with... a broken heart.
I know he's not the right guy... I mean... who would like to marry a guy who tells you in advance that he will cheat on his wife... ??? I guess, that is one of the reasons we never made it.. he knew, I would find out ... and he knows.. how scary I can be when I'm angry... his wife on the other hand is either blind or pretends to not see... don't know what worse.. but... it's sad... I feel sorry for her and for their baby boy...
My ex told me not long ago, that he's a hunter.. that he'll aways hunt no matter what... and that cheating is ok.. as long as HE's the cheater... not the one cheated on.. (of course)!!!
Now here's my theory... sometimes you meet the love of your life, but it just can't work out. That's what happened here... we were perfect together but would never have made it... I know it sounds stupid, but that's how it is.
Will you ever get over this kind of love? I don't think so... I won't .. he's a too big part of my life...
The question is.... what would happen... if.....
And yes.. as mean as this might sound.. but after 9 years knowing this guy... I know that there won't be a 'happy ending' to his marriage..... and I also know... he'll be 'back in my life'... as in.. sending me emails or even call.... but would I take him back? Unlike Carrie and Mr. Big, I wouldn't. I am no second choice. I don't need a man who cheats... I don't need a man who made a baby (we talked about having many years ago) with the girl he left me for.... no matter how low he crawls back, there is no 'taking back'... it took me three years to realize that, but hey.. better late than never...
Even though I don't want him back... it hurts to see him live the life he told me we're going to have, with another girl... who.. hmm.. ever so slightly resembles me... isn't this ironic???
Ah well I guess.. I have to buckle up... move and hope for the best... and if he dares to come after me (as so many times before)... I hope that at least I have the balls to tell him once and for all 'go to hell'!!!
Just as Carrie said: "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them."
I know there is a guy out there... a real man... who's got 'the balls' to deal with a 'Katie-Girl'.. who's not afraid of a girl who knows what she wants in life and who learned at an early age, to stand on her own two legs and take life in her own hands and I know I will find him sooner or later.
Mr. R rejected my love.... and I shouldn't see this as a sad thing.. but as a chance for myself to find someone not only better but someone who is true and real and full of love for a crazy fuzzette girl like me.
